TARTAR BUILD-UP

We can all have dreams

2009-08-01T08:17:00.000-05:00

oh baby. let's sit back, put on the hi-fi, and soak in a hot bath of some kind of dense beefy gravy, together.

i love you.

Twinkie Pinkie

2009-07-23T08:34:00.000-05:00

imagine my surprise! that's much more filling than i bargained for. i guess i shouldn't complain. it is a collectors item after all.

Road Safety Matters

2009-07-17T08:31:00.001-05:00

Don't want to endanger other drivers. Unfortunately there's only one of these, or i would share.

The world has missed you, prodigal appendage

2009-07-12T08:22:00.000-05:00

The only figure with enough Machismo

2009-07-09T08:19:00.002-05:00

This was a natural fit. No one could argue with that.

Dinty. Moore. Dinty Moore.

2009-07-05T08:10:00.000-05:00

In that town, everybody has a can in the cupboard. I guarantee it. It's probably a matter of civic pride.

Charm. it's what distinguishes a Man

2009-07-03T08:38:00.002-05:00

The Autopsy Results tell all

2009-07-03T08:30:00.002-05:00

after complete review of the autopsy results, the coroner has issued the following statement.

Steve Vai had a lot of us fooled

2009-07-03T08:28:00.000-05:00

it only makes sense! why the hell did i not notice this before? no one else would have a custom tri-neck guitar made, unless they had illicitly procured a additional appendage accomplice.

Mmmmm. You love the opaque glaze fluid

2009-07-03T08:16:00.000-05:00

You fuckers would eat this shit for Lunch and Dinner.
Ever eaten La Choy? Ethiopians wouldn't eat that shit.

it's not really a fat joke

2009-07-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

the family connection seems obvious now that i think about it

One Less Guest On Taco Night

2009-07-03T08:08:00.000-05:00

it's going to take a lot of rubber gloves to clean that up. thanks, Shaquille.

honesty in broadcasting

2009-05-24T09:33:00.000-05:00

Good people don't flip off the elderly unprovoked.

2009-05-22T09:32:00.000-05:00

i really did this. for like a month, at stoplights or on the highway. i remember honking at cars full of old people, and when they'd look over, BOINK! they'd get the bird, usually bobbing up and down like a sewing machine. i really got a kick out of the confusion/terror. i am a bad person.

So, Swayze is not feeling well huh?

2009-05-22T09:21:00.001-05:00

oh, who am i kidding? You rule, Swayze! don't die! take some vitamins or eat some zinc or something. You're like a big brother to me, protecting us all from the asshole socs and the invading Russians when our mountain town is under siege. i know you'll find a way to contact me after you die... just be gentle with me as i make my pottery.

Yea for burping!

2009-05-21T10:46:00.001-05:00

few things feel as good, as solid, and as rewarding as a coke-generated superburp. "Belch" barely describes the long, acidic, hot, gurgly burp i get from these. Yeah coke!

sick of it, stupid, so stupid

2009-03-04T23:08:00.000-06:00

i hate it! so why can't i cancel it?

to each his own

2009-02-28T23:06:00.001-06:00

yours too?

2009-02-24T23:06:00.000-06:00

we all deserve this.... putting foxes in charge of the henhouse

what was i supposed to do?

2009-02-20T23:44:00.000-06:00

this was a lot more than once. they blame me, but I blame the damn airport food, starbucks, stupid early morning, and the change in air pressure.

Friends Are Stupid [Redux]

2009-02-19T11:37:00.000-06:00

It's not like they're the ones who arrowed your dome, but they could help with that burning, pointy, bleedy-feeling you've got in the back of your head. Dicks.

Mr. Bad Decisions #4

2009-02-18T11:35:00.001-06:00

The only person dumber than him is his dumb as hell wife. He knows this.

Mr. Bad Decisions #3

2009-02-17T23:33:00.001-06:00

It's too late, man. You can stop trying to q-tip the germs out of your dickhole now.

It's 2009 and Everybody is Equal!

2009-02-17T11:31:00.003-06:00

Open-handed, not fist-clinched, and not above the chest. That's assault, baby.

Mr. Bad Decisions #2

2009-02-17T11:29:00.006-06:00

This guy will never see a green light in his entire life. That's why he's the dick who clogs up every intersection he meets.

Mr. Bad Decisions #1

2009-02-17T11:26:00.005-06:00

Everybody knows this guy even though none of us ever wanted to know him.

three meals in a row will KILL YOU> it killed me.

2009-02-15T23:43:00.000-06:00

mmm yes. gonna enjoy this.

Marital Bliss! Guaranteed ..... for you, at least

2009-02-09T16:44:00.001-06:00

so annoying

2009-02-04T20:58:00.000-06:00

and thanks to unique ring tones, everyone knows what i'm doing.

that settles it

2009-01-30T16:23:00.000-06:00

i have caller ID, but i answer anyway.

2009-01-29T20:54:00.000-06:00

you should've heard the habanero salsa one. made my sphincter burn just hearing about it.

welcome, thelostogle readers

2009-01-22T20:40:00.012-06:00

come on, you know this has to be true some of the time.

Stupid cats 8

2009-01-20T17:10:00.000-06:00

Stupid cats 9

2009-01-18T17:13:00.001-06:00

first class, all the way

2009-01-18T17:12:00.000-06:00

i saw this with my own eyes

it's mean, i tell ya

2009-01-18T11:34:00.000-06:00

i was totally traumatized by this

The New Ultimate Power in the Universe

2009-01-17T11:23:00.000-06:00

you should quake in your boots, people. let's get ready to rumble, indeed.

Helpful Hints #2

2009-01-08T00:00:00.001-06:00

I found this out the hard way. That night, I also found out the hard way that monsters still really scare me.

Seedy Web Comic Fact:

2009-01-06T22:33:00.005-06:00

It's not like they would really enjoy playing Zorro, though. They don't have a mask or a cape or anything.

Chekkie Peterstain - Life Coach

2009-01-06T22:26:00.005-06:00

Another one of my questionable decisions that should help teach someone a lesson. The lesson is: I don't know what the hell was in that box, but it felt incredible.

Chekkie Peterstain - Life Coach

2009-01-06T22:22:00.005-06:00

I thought a surprise serenade in the park would impress chicks too, but you have to sort of plan on impressing at least one homicidal transvestite. So watch out.

Technological Threat #7: The "About Me" Section

2008-11-26T11:40:00.002-06:00

I mean, how good is too good to be true? Some girls really do "enjoy sports, comedy, video games, cheap booze, doing nothing all day, and giving no-obligation beejays"......right??

R.M.T.S.L.P. -- by Chekkie!

2008-11-26T11:34:00.003-06:00

Yeah, there's some iffy stuff in there. Just use your imaginatronifier...

Marriage is Not for Pussies

2008-11-19T14:35:00.000-06:00

although, i'm having fun, for most people, this deal is a loser from the get go. it's a wonder anyone survives 5 years.

Real Movies That Sound Like Porn

2008-11-19T13:38:00.000-06:00

I'm not real proud of this one. Although "Black Pearl" and "Pirates" could be construed a number of different ways. I don't even know what kind of sick deal #2 is.

Real Movies That Sound Like Porn

2008-11-18T17:33:00.000-06:00

several of my personal favorites here. 16 candles is really for the imaginative readers only.

Real Movies That Sound Like Porn

2008-11-17T23:31:00.000-06:00

you think #2 is involves roofies?

you nasty hags

2008-11-17T22:29:00.000-06:00

one of the grossest things in the world, if you ask me.

Real Movies That Sound Like Porn

2008-09-17T09:19:00.000-05:00

this is my favorite word game. got any others you've thought of?

i about spewed my coffee when the thought came to me as i handed "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" to my kid last week.

Problems: Everybody's got them, Part 4

2008-09-14T09:14:00.000-05:00

is the problem the habitual tardiness? or the reality that i will not change it, ever? or the pride i feel for bucking the system?

uhh, what?

2008-09-12T17:36:00.000-05:00

do not deny the truth

2008-09-10T17:39:00.000-05:00

peeyoo!

2008-09-10T17:33:00.000-05:00

Dinty Moore Beef Stew, in a can, baby

2008-08-30T17:45:00.000-05:00

Gentlemen know to share the credit

2008-08-29T17:31:00.002-05:00

hardy har har.

Dietary observation

2008-08-29T17:28:00.001-05:00

Puntastic

2008-08-29T17:09:00.001-05:00

Helpful Hints #1

2008-08-24T12:05:00.002-05:00

I mean, you could try to take 65% of everyone's money and call it a "Supplemental Monarchy Fee", but I bet someone would get pissed eventually.

Seedy Web Comic Fact:

2008-08-24T12:00:00.003-05:00

When you find a head in an alley, it's best to not wonder about the torso. Just move on.

Stupid cats 7

2008-08-23T22:24:00.001-05:00

i guess my sweet cats make me forgetful. or forgiveful.

Another epic fail, NBC!

2008-08-23T13:55:00.003-05:00

Seriously? Synchronized diving and water polo all day?

Strange Chekkie Facts:

2008-08-23T13:53:00.003-05:00

It's true. I use the blackest magick to accomplish questionable goals.

Stupid cats 6

2008-08-21T22:07:00.000-05:00

i mean, which is it... open or closed, dammit?

i'm sure they'd just had too much to drink

2008-08-18T22:04:00.003-05:00

i took this picture through his window with my camera phone

Stupid cats 5

2008-08-18T21:37:00.005-05:00

Really? smelly kids bother you?

2008-08-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

this girl doesnt even HAVE kids. besides, kids can't smell that much after recess, not enough that you're scarred for life and have to tell everyone.

Stupid Cats 4

2008-08-04T13:34:00.001-05:00

My Poor Body

2008-07-21T11:31:00.002-05:00

Easy ladies, easy...one at a time!

Ahh, to Dream...

2008-07-17T09:57:00.002-05:00

How badassular could it get? Well, when Capt. Chimp Chimpley and the Hon. Judge Ape Vigoda chose their weapons, they both passed on the jagged, angular rocks and chose musket pistols! It's like they're evolving right before my eyes...in my mind.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them, part 3

2008-07-16T12:08:00.003-05:00

Stupid hockey puck.

My Problems With Girls - #1

2008-07-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

Nothing in this world is fair.

My Girlfriend is Swedish!

2008-07-16T10:58:00.001-05:00

Yeah, she's digital...but she's got all the right buttons, baby!

Friends Are Stupid

2008-07-16T10:48:00.002-05:00

It's tough to trust people. Especially when everyone is a prick.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them, part 2

2008-07-14T17:42:00.001-05:00

this is what i'm talking about. i'm really getting the self assessment thing down.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them

2008-07-14T17:38:00.000-05:00

i am in the process of evaluating everything that is wrong with me, and i intend to document it all here, and transform it in to some kind of quasi-entertainment for all mankind. That's pretty self-aggrandizing and lofty.... i better write that down too.

Maybe all that hardware is overkill

2008-07-10T17:44:00.001-05:00

i'm sure something good will be on any time now.

get the phone

2008-07-07T17:27:00.003-05:00

i'm too busy. you get it.

snip it off as a gift

2008-06-23T21:29:00.003-05:00

Stupid Cats 3

2008-06-18T13:46:00.001-05:00

not exactly a rare ritual

what did you say?

2008-06-16T20:33:00.002-05:00

figured it out

2008-06-05T15:56:00.002-05:00

seeing a little too much of this lately.

seriously serious this time

2008-06-04T14:51:00.000-05:00

this is ok really

2008-05-27T21:52:00.002-05:00

factual accounts of the truth are sad...

2008-05-22T11:54:00.002-05:00

I guess i can't deny it. maybe the fact that i haven't had sex as long as The Governator has been in office is no mere coincidence.

Stupid cats 2

2008-05-21T17:31:00.003-05:00

true story

it's all about being consistent

2008-05-21T17:23:00.002-05:00

it's much easier if you stick to a ritual. fortunately, i have no choice in the matter.

too good to be true

2008-05-20T13:40:00.003-05:00

everything else at every other store anywhere is a ripoff

Secret Fact #2

2008-05-19T11:58:00.000-05:00

Sounds like something you'd like

2008-05-19T11:50:00.007-05:00

i'm not gonna get all philosophical explaining this one. that was supposed to be Bruce Lee with a kung-fu hand, but, uh, my pen had been drinking.

Secret Fact #1

2008-05-19T11:36:00.003-05:00

It's a little-known fact among Celtic occultasizers, but it's true:

chekkie's first post!

2008-05-19T11:09:00.002-05:00

it's my first post! i drew a few things last night that i'll share. i don't want to jinx myself or anything, but i think it's probably the best artwork you'll ever see before you die. Here.

what does that even mean?

2008-05-16T13:59:00.003-05:00

this is never going to be ok with me. maybe i'm the first to say this to you, but shut up.

ze peeeemple

2008-05-16T13:55:00.004-05:00

this is the stupidest thing i've ever drawn. except for when i drew my first electric guitar 200 times as a kid.

stupid cats

2008-05-15T17:22:00.004-05:00

they are so rotten, selfish and hateful

beyond demotivation

2008-05-15T11:12:00.005-05:00

reading at the park at lunch is fine. as long as you choose your author carefully.

before you rent, beware

2008-05-13T17:44:00.003-05:00

true story: a girl i know peed her pants a little bit the night we thought of this.

if they do ever do this, I thought of this first!

2008-05-13T17:30:00.003-05:00

it might not sound great at first, but trust me there aint no coffee like an egg nog coffee.

why won't anyone try it?

2008-05-13T09:49:00.002-05:00

hey, i worked hard to make this.