Really? smelly kids bother you?

this girl doesnt even HAVE kids. besides, kids can't smell that much after recess, not enough that you're scarred for life and have to tell everyone.

Stupid Cats 4

more true stories of my idiot cats

My Poor Body

Easy ladies, easy...one at a time!

Ahh, to Dream...

How badassular could it get? Well, when Capt. Chimp Chimpley and the Hon. Judge Ape Vigoda chose their weapons, they both passed on the jagged, angular rocks and chose musket pistols! It's like they're evolving right before my eyes...in my mind.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them, part 3

Stupid hockey puck.

My Problems With Girls - #1

Nothing in this world is fair.

My Girlfriend is Swedish!

Yeah, she's digital...but she's got all the right buttons, baby!

Friends Are Stupid

It's tough to trust people. Especially when everyone is a prick.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them, part 2

this is what i'm talking about. i'm really getting the self assessment thing down.

Problems: Everybody's Got Them

i am in the process of evaluating everything that is wrong with me, and i intend to document it all here, and transform it in to some kind of quasi-entertainment for all mankind. That's pretty self-aggrandizing and lofty.... i better write that down too.

Maybe all that hardware is overkill

i'm sure something good will be on any time now.

get the phone

i'm too busy. you get it.

snip it off as a gift

Stupid Cats 3

not exactly a rare ritual

what did you say?

figured it out

seeing a little too much of this lately.

seriously serious this time

this is ok really

factual accounts of the truth are sad...

I guess i can't deny it. maybe the fact that i haven't had sex as long as The Governator has been in office is no mere coincidence.

Stupid cats 2

true story

it's all about being consistent

it's much easier if you stick to a ritual. fortunately, i have no choice in the matter.

too good to be true

everything else at every other store anywhere is a ripoff

Secret Fact #2

Sounds like something you'd like

i'm not gonna get all philosophical explaining this one. that was supposed to be Bruce Lee with a kung-fu hand, but, uh, my pen had been drinking.

Secret Fact #1

It's a little-known fact among Celtic occultasizers, but it's true: